My Companion Always Focuses On Her Own Life: Should I Distance Myself?

I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly taken by surprise by others. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her social circle vanished then, because they seemed focused solely on him. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, and must have understood better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, several in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her previous job turned on her, even though she was an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work leading to more each other more, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I start discussion points but she shifts them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I try to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She is planning a holiday abroad I know well repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide personal experiences, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her decisions. I have ended four weeks there and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the impact of her actions on my confidence. Currently, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to a solution demands strength and openness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing how this makes you feel. There should be no disagreement here. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Finally is to question how you are both can shift the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend has her own side, so you need to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who have a deep-seated story: they maintain a narrative about themselves they cannot abandon as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react this way before reflecting on your words. And should you don't achieve an agreement, it provides peace from having been truthful.