A Guide to Talk Romance Like Generation Z: Fifty-One Niche Phrases for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

This year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {